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Thursday, October 21, 2010

Some Shared Thoughts Entry #36

Some Shared Thoughts
We have been home from St. John’s for two weeks now. It seems like forever. Ending up in hospital in Gander certainly put a whole new slant on things:
While it was difficult and frustrating to realize that I could (and WAS) getting sicker, I am now at home with a focus on getting better that I could not have reached without help.

The last couple of days I have been reflecting upon this whole journey.
Oh how I wish there could be something else in the day besides thinking about the chemotherapy that has made me so sick and the radiation which still burns my flesh. Ever since my diagnosis I had to go to war with cancer. Every single day it’s in my face. Well, right back at you Cancer. I haven’t forgotten that every drop of poison and every moment of radiation means there is part of my life that you cannot have.

Right from the beginning of this tumultuous journey, it was my goal to never allow the “polite silences of cancer” to become part of my life. One Sunday morning just before service Revd. Brian and I were in the vestry preparing for worship. He was asking me about my nagging sore throat. “Brian,” I responded:” I’m not fooling myself. This could be serious. I think Cancer has come to St. Martins .Lets ask God to help us figure this out.”
Revd. Brian was about to be asked to carry my torch for a while. He has done so faithfully and lovingly.
Because of my love for the Church, I determined from the beginning to share this journey with God’s people. I honestly believed (and still do) that God would use this as a healing and teaching time for his beloved people. I wanted my cancer to have some meaning, a heart, and if possible – a smile and a hope
Thanks be to God because:
- The response from St. Martins and the outside community has shown this to be true. The power of love, prayer and generosity has been amazing. What have we unlocked in our Church? The Love of God!
- The blessings bestowed upon me from the doctors, nurses and other cancer caregivers is something I could never know without this dreaded companion.
- The faithfulness and presence of my wife through every moment is something I will forever be thankful for.
Indeed: More than I could ask or imagine

But I am human too. Believe me.
How many times in the quiet of treatment, or in fear of what the MRI or CT scans....have I prayed Please.... Please...God – here I am. I need you.

It is vital for people who suffer to remember how important it is to keep a positive attitude through your illness and treatment.
It is equally important to accept the fact that cancer (and other things) can be hard, depressing and scary ,and that it is okay to have bad days. It’s okay to have different emotions – and you are NOT letting God or anyone else down, by admitting it.

I have an appointment with Dr. Sathya next week. He is the Radiation Oncologist who directed the radiation portion of my treatments. I’ll be very interested in what he will have to say to us. I’ll let you know as soon as I can.
Love ,and Peace, Always.


Anonymous said...

Rev. John Watton, I have all the faith in the world that things are going to get better for you. I think that God is using you to educate us, and to remind us that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It amazes me how uplifting you can be after all you have been through. I have always admired you and Karen for what you both have accomplished in your lives. I think that God gave you to us to be his messagener, something that you have proven to do through the good times and now the bad.
Love to you, Karen and your family. Thinking of you everyday and hoping things are getting better for you..

Sis and Joe Vaters

Elsie Norman said...

Dear Rev. John,

Anyone who has gone through cancer treatments can truly understand these times when we cry out to God for help. The great thing about it is that He is always there when we need Him. It is in our darkest hours that we most experience His presence. Thanks for walking us through your valley experience. Your great faith in God has been encouragement for our Christian Journey. Many are praying for your recovery. Take care and God Bless!

Anonymous said...

Rev. Watton
We have never met but I read your blog and get great encouragement from it. It is very uplifting to read what you have written. Your faith in our lord jesus has truly inspired me and alot more through your words. I am now myself waiting to have treatments for this dreaded diease and i find great encouragement in your words and your faith in our lord.
Trusting all will be well with you. Thoughts and prayers are with you as you continue to heal.
God Bless
Nina Taylor