Today is Tuesday October 12.
I am just beginning to feel that I am going to come out of this blackness.
My daily routine has been very similar -sleep when you can,eat when you can , read and pray. Just as I was told, the effects of the treatments have became more and more pronounced as the days passed.
I hope I have reached a turning point ....We shall see.
It is hard to explain just how difficult it is to accept and journey through the treatments. There is just so much to consider. When someone has cancer in the throat there are unique problems. Radiation and Chemotherapy quickly drains your body of energy, steals your appetite, and causes damage to healthy tissue as well as diseased tissue. The tissues in the throat are very sensitive,and before long (depending on the strength of the treatments) you are in a fair amount of pain. You can't eat anywhere near the amount of calories you need, So on it goes. Your body needs nutrition now like never before, but at the same time,your body makes it difficult. One evening,I was very pleased with myself because I was able to get everything I needed through my feeding tube. A couple of hours later,I lost everything down the toilet. That was very hard to deal with emotionally.
Through the stages of life we all need healing. In my experience as a priest,I have met many wounded people who need to be healed not only from different kinds of disease, but of memories,guilt,remorse, fear,unforgiveness.....This list can grow quite long!
The very thing that makes us unique and beautiful ,makes us complicated as well.
That is because God has made us to be a "threefold being". We are made up of Body,Mind and Spirit. There are lots of Greek and Hebrew words in the Bible that we can draw on to learn more about this,but there is really no need to make it complicated.
Each part of who we are needs care and nurture to remain strong and healthy,because without all three we are not complete persons.
Often I am given the privilege to "come alongside" and walk with a person as Priest and friend. Usually this happens when someone who is physically ill, overcome by daily life,or spiritually unsure calls for help. I try to make sure people understand just how "God has made us",so that healing (which constantly flows around us) is possible.
Throughout this entire battle,I have done my best to focus on God's love and healing.
I have tried not to get angry at God.
I have tried to keep a positive attitude.
I have tried as a Priest to meet what I know is my responsibility
to proclaim and witness to the faithfulness and Love of God.
I find that in times of weakness and despair,all I have to do is "let it go" because I know that the Church,Cancer Clinic , my family,friends,and a host of witnesses were there to carry me through.
Through every moment Karen has been there with me,in Body,Mind and Spirit.
In just a few weeks I will be able to share the results of my treatments with you.
Peace and Health be yours!
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)